It's Always the Quiet One

Rambling about life, culture, Project Runway, and the occasional fruity drink.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

PR Decoy Collection #1: Sweet P

Due to wonky scheduling by Bravo, the final Bryant Park show took place before Sweet P was actually out of the competition; therefore, she had to present a collection or everyone would know she was getting kicked off before the show aired. But being in the Bryant Park show is a prize in itself, even if you're not up for the big money, because it's a chance to show the world what you can do.

Let's see what Sweet P did with her chance.

#1: Right off the bat, I don't get it. Why did she use THAT purple with THAT gold? On second thought, it's not the purple that bothers me, it's the gold. I hate that mustard color. (On third thought I just hate mustard. Especially on burgers and in potato salad. But I digress.) Socks and heels? Oh please. This outfit looks like it belongs on one of the Peanuts kids.

#2: Much better. My only concern is the hip-widening pockets. She did that on a few of her garments this season.

#3: Somebody's been in Austin Powers' closet again! And I've seen that hat before, on Sgt. Shultz from Hogan's Heroes. Okay... being serious. I hate the way she put the stripes on the pants, especially in the crotch area. Again with the socks and heels. And if you're going to put a hat on your model, make sure it fits! In fact, this entire outfit appears to be three sizes too small for the model... and this model ain't that big to begin with. Perhaps Sweet P should do a line of children's wear.

#4: This is not bad at all. It's got a bit of a "funky librarian" vibe to it. The feather-duster cuffs must come in handy if you want to dust and reshelve returned books at the same time.

#5: This is perfect for the 19th-century English lady who wants to be stylish whilst deer hunting. And in case she gets peckish, a cereal bowl that doubles as a cap will come in quite handy out in the woods.

#6:Eek! This is straight out of the Seventeen back-to-school issue for 1987. (I know... I have that magazine in my closet right now.) I thought the hip-pockets on the second dress were bad - these hips are insane!! It was so unfortunate that the model got into poison ivy right before the show and had to go on the runway with her legs slathered in calamine lotion. (And please tell me that necklace isn't made out of condoms.)
#7: Double eek! Don't actually mind the pants as much as I mind the shirt, which looks like she picked it randomly from a dark closet to go with the pants. I do applaud her use of green swimming goggles as a necklace, though. That's thinking outside the box!

#8: The only other place I've seen a zipper that long is on a sleeping bag. In fact, I think this might have been a sleeping bag. Way to recycle, Sweet P!

#9: This screams "little girl playing dress-up at Grandma's house." It doesn't fit right (especially in the bust - where exactly are her breasts?), it's got a bad case of static cling, and that hat! Someone needs to introduce Sweet P to a nice milliner. On the plus side, I love that color, and those shoes are super-cute.

Now THIS looks like a collection.

#10: Again, there is that mustard color that I hate. And did she get that jeweled yoke idea from Victorya's prom dress? I do like the actual shape and fit of the dress, though. If only it was a different color.

#11: This, to me, is the most wearable thing in the entire collection. I don't even mind the gold so much. The pattern - and the positioning of the pattern - is interesting. The whole dress has a very Asian vibe to it that I'm liking a lot.

#12: I've heard the phrase "junk in the trunk" but this is ridiculous! I can't tell if it's a peplum on the back, or if that's the actual pant. Whatever it is, it's not very flattering. She did get the hat right on this one, though!

Well, I can't say that I was 'wowed' by the collection, but it is very Sweet P. Maybe it was better in person, but I only have the pictures to go by - many times the pieces look better if you can see how they move. It also didn't really feel like a cohesive collection to me - it was more like she just made a bunch of different outfits and showed them to us. I've looked at this group I don't know how many times, and I can't figure out how they're supposed to tie together. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad she actually did get the chance to go to Bryant Park, even if she was a decoy, and I hope wonderful things come her way as a result. But this would not have won.

If you'd like to see more of Sweet P's work, check out her website, where she has several collections.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Keeping Us In Stitches, part 2

To continue from yesterday, here are the remaining designers, who showed collections that I mostly liked.

Before we get to that though, I just have to ask: why does every dang model have her hair pulled back (except Marie, because she has short hair)? Were ALL ofthe TRESemme hairstylists busy with Fashion Week? Could they not spare a couple of them for a few hours? Some of the designs in both posts may have resonated better with me had the hair not been so severe.

Today's installment:
Old Sew-and-Sews

Marion: Lotta black going on here. But he did some interesting things with it. #1's bodice looks ragged, like her puppy chewed it up (but that's kind of Marion's asthetic). The top is a little boxy, the skirt is skating right on the edge of bubble-ness, and without the fluff at the neck the dress might have looked more flattering overall. Speaking of necks, I'm not too sure about that netting on #2. It does need some kind of interest there, because otherwise it's just a halter top, but the stiffness of the netting is starting to venture into clownish territory. It does go along with the palm-leaf motif on the bodice, though, so I'm not sure what else he could have done. I still kind of like it anyway. I really like the "flapper at the speakeasy" vibe of #3, and the way he paired the feathery print with actual feathers.
Elisa: She describes this collection as being characters for her puppet designs. #1 must be her "Uma Thurman at the Oscars" character. It's a bit too costumey. And she picked the wrong shoes to go with it. (Didn't they have any Dutch wooden clogs?) #2 is supposed to be a "healer" character. While I'm glad she used a color, I wish it could have been something other than orange. I hate orange. But the dress itself has a lovely silhouette and it's done in her "one seam" technique, which impresses the heck out of me. The hood is an interesting addition. #3 is a "star maiden" in an elegant crystal-studded dress, very tasteful and red-carpet ready.

Kit: More black! While I'm not crazy about the brown shoes or the plastic-tarp skirt of #1, I do like the off-white shirt with the button details. (I just hope those are separate gloves and not built into the bottom of the sleeves, because that would be stupid.) #2 is a nice little black dress, which every woman needs, and the ruffly details are very Kit. The coat in #3 seems to have a bit of an Oliver Twist influence, and I can't tell if that's a skirt or culottes (do they still call them that? Probably should say skort instead, but when I was little they were culottes). But this look is one of my favorites of any collection.

Rami: Color! Thank goodness. Having been a big fan of purple for a good chunk of my adolescence, I'm happy that he chose it. The grape popsicle color of #1's skirt is great (can't say the same for where he chose to start the gathering, at the widest part of the hip) and the corset part really accentuates the waist. Not a fan of the giant fleurchon on the shirt. Without that, it would have been a perfectly elegant shirt that could be worn to work and then right out for cocktails afterwards. #2 is my favorite. The curves in the jacket are really interesting, the color is divine, and pairing the jacket with plain black pants really works. #3 is where he falls a little bit, in my opinion - the dusty lilac color is pretty, but the rest of it looks like a toddler's dress and the neckline is too high. If he'd cut it a bit lower, it would have been a much less childlike dress. The waistband is also just a teeny bit too wide - it's probably supposed to be empire but instead it just looks like he sewed the waist too high - it throws the proportions off.

Kevin: I think he used the black and white plaid-ish print very well, and without making the models wearing it look huge. #1 is super-cute (even with the wee gloves) and very chic. I like how he changed the direction of the pattern on the sides. I'm not sure where one would wear #2. It's a bit "dominatrix-schoolgirl-gangster" - and there aren't too many women that could pull THAT off. And fingerless gloves are only to be used by open-hole flute players in marching bands. Period. The pants on #3 have a nice button detail below the knee that you can't really see here, and you have to be skinny to wear them, but putting the pattern at an angle like that keeps the thighs from looking too fat. Not fond of the vest, but it worked for him in the Sarah Jessica Parker challenge, so maybe he thought he'd try it again. The shirt is a basic, plain white dress shirt, which Tim Gunn would approve for his list of ten essential items a woman should have.
Steven: This is obviously a very fifties' inspired collection. I love fifties' dresses! One of my favorite movies of all time is Peggy Sue Got Married, and she's wearing these big skirts all over that movie. So naturally I'm drawn to the first two dresses, especially. Not that they're fashion-forward or even very innovative, but they're classic. #3 is another nice, elegant little black dress, and I'm glad he put the lace overlay on the one shoulder because otherwise it would have been exceedingly plain. But elegant.

There you have it. I still can't decide whose collection I like best, since even in the good ones there were parts I didn't quite get. So instead, I will just pick my three favorite looks, in no particular order.
Yes, I know, this is only two, but my third is Ricky's red number and I couldn't figure out how to get the hat off the model. And chopping her head off would have just been rude! It's not her fault she has a dumb hat on.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Keeping Us In Stitches, part 1

Last week's episode of Project Runway was the reunion show. I chose not to do a recap, because:
1) it was boring and
2) I didn't actually finish watching it until last night.

If you want to read many highly entertaining recaps go here. The only part I was really interested in was the Fan Favorite award. We all knew who it was going to be, the announcement was just a formality.

The title of Season 4 Fan Favorite and a giant cardboard check for $10,000 goes to Chris...



Are you kidding me?? Christian???? Talk about positive reinforcement for negative behavior. *sigh* I worry for the future. (Also, I wonder what kind of sauce goes good with this keyboard I now have to eat? Chocolate? Hmm...)

Anyway, let's get on with the point of today's post. All of the designers were invited to create three-piece mini collections for a side competition cleverly entitled "It's Sew Not Over" with a prize of $10,000 to the winner, which will be chosen by the viewers (go here to vote). Twelve of the fifteen participated (the "final four" included - where they found time to make three extra pieces on top of their twelve for Bryant Park, I'll never know.) After looking them all over and watching the runway show, there wasn't any one collection that I liked completely, but I found that I was split evenly between the ones I mostly liked and the ones I mostly didn't. First I'm going to look at the stinkers, and then tomorrow I'll post the ones that didn't stink so bad.

Today's installment:
Sew Knot Impressed

Carmen: I'm afraid to say anything bad about this collection because that first model's gonna kick my butt! But... sometimes you have to take one for the team, so here goes. Not only did she steal those pants in #1 from James T. Kirk, but she pinched Luke's lightsaber too. Stockings and flip-flops? Big no-no! It gives the model goat feet. Speaking of Star Wars, #2 is what all the Jedi ladies will be wearing this season. And hey!! My mother had those EXACT same pants in #3... but in that brown plaid! Back in 1974! (I also think someone must have gotten Carmen this Duct Tape calendar for Christmas. THOSE belts ain't goin' nowhere!) This is definitely my least favorite of all the mini-collections.

The only redeeming things I can say about it is that the top of the second outfit would look good with jeans, and that the three pieces at least actually LOOK like a collection.

Which is more than I can say for...Christian: Good Lord. He cleared out the remnants bin at Mood. I'm so sorry for ever suggesting in previous posts that Christian use some color - I should have included the word "correctly" in there also. And did he skip the "Working With Prints" class? (He needs to go work with Uli from last season - now there is a designer who knows how to mix prints.) As for the individual designs, #1 stepped right out of an Austin Powers "swinging 60's" dance number, #2 is that very stern elementary school teacher that everyone hated, and #3... well, let's just say that amoebas emerging from one's personal regions is not a good look. I'm curious though... let's see what they'd look like if he had used more of his signature black!
Hmm okay, he's using the wacky prints to cover up the fact that you can buy all these outfits at TJMaxx.
Jack: If you're going to pick a print to base your entire collection on, please pick a nice print. The placement of the blue flowers on #1 is, um, pointing at things, and what's with that collar? Also, either make it sleeveless or give it a sleeve; that in-between thing isn't working. I'd be pulling on them all day. The two pieces of #2 are okay, but not together. Put that jacket with a tshirt and a pair of jeans, or just wear the dress with a belt. Shapeless bags are not flattering! #3 is okay, but I'd rather it not have the trim at the bottom. At least Jack has a color story.

Jillian: We know that Jillian has time-management issues. Was she so behind on her Bryant Park collection that she ended up having to pick three random outfits from her closet and send them down the runway? Why, yes, apparently that was the basis for her collection: what does she want to wear tomorrow? These are actually not all that bad - if I had to pick one I liked best I'd say #1, but I wish it was longer. I don't care for the orange boob piping on #2, and I've never seen the appeal of vests and bare arms. I do have to give her kudos for resisting the urge to use that same pair of shoes she always uses.
Ricky: This collection would have made more sense had the runway music been The Theme to Popeye. Taking three dresses and adding a hat and gloves do not a collection make. #1 and #3 at least look similar due to the fabric, but #2 just does not fit at all. Especially that skirt - it's bunching and pulling and appears to be made out of a Hefty sack. The bottom of #1 moves very strangely on the runway, as if it was a lampshade attached to the bottom of the dress. I quite like #3 though - good color, nice shape, very flirty. I'd wear it (sans accessories of course).

You know, on second thought, I don't even think Popeye would stoop to wearing that hat.

Chris: This one pains me the most, because Chris is my favorite. But he just came unravelled in this mini-challenge. Where's the drama? Where's the show? Where's the construction? I know he kept getting told to tone it down, but now he's toned it down so much, you can't even hear it! #1 has been done before, and better, in the eighties; #2 would be really great if the top fit better and was less bulky (that fabric is beautiful though - I wish he'd taken it all the way up), and #3 adds about a foot of width to the top part of the body. Can she even put her right arm down? Or is she stuck like Randy in the snowsuit in A Christmas Story?

Tomorrow I'll post the remaining six collections, and my goal for Wednesday is to post Sweet P's Bryant Park show. Since she's not going to be on either of the remining PR shows, I feel okay in doing that.

"You are cute if you listen to Locksley"

A couple of weeks ago, I got a new CD, Don't Make Me Wait, by NY-based band Locksley. But if that slogan (from a Locksley t-shirt) is to be believed, then I must look like Heidi Klum by now, because I have had this album playing on my iPod and in my car almost continuously since it arrived. Never heard of Locksley? Neither had I. They're currently unsigned, but I don't think they will be that way for long.I saw Locksley this fall when I took my son to see Hanson (yes, that Hanson, but if you haven't seen them live, then you need to. Amazing show). Locksley was the opening act. Now, usually at a concert, the opening act is just kind of a time-killer until the main attraction comes on. But this group of guys put on a really fun set of bouncy pop-garage band rock reminiscent of The Beatles and the British Invasion. When their show was over, I found myself actually wishing they'd play more songs.

Many of the songs on Don't Make Me Wait, as I said, are Beatles-esque. But that's not to say that Locksley is a tribute band by any means. You can tell what their musical influences are, but they're not copying anything. They've taken all the best characteristics of early Beatles' songs and added their own modern twist to it. (It also doesn't hurt that the lead singer sounds like Lennon and looks like McCartney.) You can tell that these guys love music, and the sheer fun they have playing it comes through the speakers loud and clear.

Curious? Check out their MySpace page where you can hear four songs off the album. They also have a YouTube page where they've put up a few music videos and also some very amusing random "home movie" type clips. Or you can just skip all that and head over to their website at to buy the album so you can hear the rest of it, because it is that good.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

You Gotta Have 'Art

The show starts off with a reminder of last week’s WWE challenge (as if we could ever forget, as it is seared on our brains for all eternity) where Chris was the triumphant winner of the “tackiest challenge” and crying Ricky (who didn’t cry) was out.

Over at Parsons, Heidi brings out the winning and losing models, who weren’t even in the last challenge, and then lies to them about it being a competition for them too. (Can you just drop this part next season, Bravo? Because nobody’s buying it anymore.) Chris, who won last week, chooses to stay with his model Marcia, meaning Amanda of the Amy Winehouse beehive is out. Heidi asks the designers if they want their next challenge (for the last time *sniff*) and Christian’s all, “Duh! Why else are we sitting way down here in these uncomfortable chairs? Get on with it, woman!”
Again, she sends them to Tim: “He’s waiting for you all the way across town and you have ten minutes to get there and the van’s out of gas because we wasted it taking you to the Port Authority a couple challenges ago… so MOVE your butts!”

Huffing and puffing, they arrive at their destination – the Metropolitan Museum of Art. “It’s huge!” Rami offers helpfully. As they move through the museum, we are treated to many views of statuary derrières and other unmentionable parts. Tim defines the challenge: to find a piece of art in one of three museum wings (Greek/Roman statues, European paintings, and an entire Egyptian temple) to use as inspiration for a garment. They can pick anything! Tim gives them each a camera and off they go.

I love museums, and watching them go around is interesting, but it would have been a lot more entertaining had the producers speeded it up and set it to music, much like the Griswold family visiting the Louvre in “European Vacation.” Not surprisingly, Rami heads straight for the headless, armless Greek statues. (I’m quite glad that this is one of the last times I’ll have to listen to him talk about draping.) Christian finds a fabulously fierce painting of a Spanish guy in black puffy sleeves and skinny pants. Chris prefers the paintings of people with all their limbs and clothing with color. Jillian looks at some people on horses. Sweet P tells us she could have touched a painting, because nobody else was in the museum, and she didn’t (but we know she did... wouldn’t you??).

Back at Parsons, they look through their pictures and pick one they like best. Rami and Christian have already picked out shoes! Accessory wall hogs. (Hey, I just noticed something. When they were walking to the Met, the screen said it was 7am. Now, back in the workroom, the clock says 2:35pm. I’m sure they ate lunch in there somewhere, but they spent five or six hours at the museum? And Jillian was wearing four-inch heels? Wow.)

The designers head over to Mood (for the last time *sniff*) to spend their $300. Christian is going to use every penny, because he’s buying entire rolls of organza. (Didn’t he make that dress a few challenges ago? Did the editors put the wrong Mood footage in?)

Time to start sewing. Rami’s got this gorgeous lilac material that he is, of course, draping. Jillian tells us about her inspiration piece, a painting of soldiers from the 1460’s wearing jackets and bubble skirts and tights while riding around on fat ponies. Chris has picked a painting of a noblewoman wearing a powdered wig and a big poofy wrap around her shoulders, so he’s going to make a dress with a big poofy wrap around one shoulder. Because he doesn’t want to be too literal, you know.

The next morning we see that Sweet P hasn’t sewn anything but her muslin mock-up, and then she tells us how she needs to win because it will save her business. (Aww, poor girl, you must be out, because that’s classic loser’s edit right there.)

Time for a visit from Tim! Hooray! Oh, no it’s not, what a letdown - he’s just sending in the models for a fitting - all except Sweet P’s model, Lea, who has a family emergency. What’s Sweet P going to do now? Is she going to have to run out into the street like Jay did in Season 1 and try to convince some stranger to come in and be her model?

Christian thinks that Chris’s dress is too “costume” and looks a lot like the avant-garde one they did together. He stops just short of saying Chris copied it, but you know he’s thinking it. I’m thinking Christian’s black-and-white poofy-froofy design looks like almost every other black poofy thing he’s done, so he needs to shut the heck up.

Surprise! Jillian has made a coat. Granted, it’s a short coat this time, but it’s still a coat. At some point there will be a short gold-lamé disco roller skating dress underneath it, if she doesn’t run out of time like she usually does.

Tim comes back in to introduce them to a “special guest.” He sure likes the word special, doesn’t he? I never noticed until this season how much he says it. (And on his other show, he was saying it every two minutes.) Anyway, the designers are all wondering what kind of fabulousness will walk through those black double doors – which unknown person could possibly top Sarah Jessica Parker for specialness??

Letdown number two! It’s just the bald makeup guy that they already know. Then we have to sit through “makeup consultations” (well, I don’t, I fast-forward through that part because it’s boring). Tim acts like the guy’s never been to Parsons before – don’t they see him every challenge?

After bald makeup guy is done talking to them, there’s about four hours left in the day. Chris shocks the workroom by announcing that he’s done, and he’s going to go take a nap. Christian can’t believe it! He’s done too – what else would you expect from someone so perfect and fierce – but is he off snoring on an uncomfortable couch! No! He’s putting ribbons on his hat! He’s snipping threads! He’s at least pretending to be working. He then drones on and on about Europe and how young he is, and does a little famous designer name-dropping. (Personally, I’d much rather listen to Chris snore in the other room.) Then he tries on his clothes and you just KNOW he’s making them for himself.

Tim returns to check on everyone’s progress. The other designers inform him that Chris has gone off to dreamland… but Tim is having none of that! He glides out into the lounge, puts his hands on his hips and demands that Chris get up off his butt and show him how “wowable” the dress is. Tim is not wowed. He tries to get Chris to add something to it but he is not budging.

Worried, Tim moves on to Christian, who is also done but doesn’t get chewed out. Tim teaches us a new word, obfuscation, when asking Christian about his shrunken poncho-like piece. (It’s basically just a fancy word for confusing, but I plan to use it in conversation first chance I get, ‘cause it just sounds cool.)

He moves on to Sweet P, whose model still hasn’t shown up, and he gets worried again. She tells him about the peacock picture she’s using as her inspiration piece, but aside from the colors, he’s not seeing much peacock in her dress. He thinks Rami’s purple dress is stunning, but is concerned that Nina will call Rami out for draping again. (He also makes a mental note to have the designer’s apartments checked for mice, because apparently some small animal has been chewing on Rami’s sweatshirt.)

At 10:00pm, Sweet P’s model finally shows up. They try the dress on her and thank goodness, everything fits, but there’s still a lot to do. So what does she do? Wander around the workroom whining to Jillian and sit with her head in her hands. Sew, woman!! The day’s over and you’re not done!

Then the sulfuric Manhattan streets roll by, and it’s the start of a new day. As I sit here watching the apartment sequence, I’m struck by the fact that this is the last time we’ll see this group of designers getting ready for their day at Parsons. How I’ll miss this peek into the ordinariness of these extraordinary people - no more hair-curling (or hair-ironing), no more tooth-brushing, no more pretend-facial-hair snipping, no more sitting around in fugly blue robe-jammies… (Okay maybe I won’t miss that last part so much, ‘cause those are just awful.)

At Parsons, the girls still have a lot of work to do. I know Sweet P wasn’t done last night but I’m not entirely sure if Jillian even has her skirt cut out, let alone sewn. Tim comes in and gets all sentimental on them about it being the last day. He does his little spiel to get all the sponsors’ names in one last time, then tells them to make sure their designs will “send Nina’s shoes flying across that runway” (which will then cause her toes will curl up and disappear under her chair, like the Wicked Witch of the East after Dorothy’s house falls on her).

Sewing… fitting… makeup… hairspray… false eyelashes… unibrows… feathers. Jillian puts the rollerskating dress on her model and it has NO hem… not even a crappy one like Kevin did during the prom challenge. There’s time for one last session of model-torturing before they have to go, so Jillian steams the dress while it’s on the model. Ouch! Better get some ointment for that burn.

Time’s up! Off to the runway! Heidi informs the designers that since only three of them will be going to Fashion Week, two people will be out today. She introduces the judges and gives Michael and Nina their perfect-attendance gold stars for this season (is this the first one that they’ve made it to every show?) and introduces guest judge Roberto Cavalli. Let’s start the show! Chris – (Marie Françoise de La Cropte de St. Abre, Marquise d'Argence by Jean Marc Nauttier) People are complaining that he just copied the avant-garde challenge, but I don’t think he did. Yes, he took the basic idea of the big shoulder and used the same basic construction – but big construction is what Chris DOES. How is that different from Christian’s puffy sleeves or Rami’s Grecian columns? I see his inflated version as being in-between the noblewoman’s dress and the avant-garde. The colors are kinda blah but that’s what’s in the originial painting.

Roberto pays Chris a huge compliment in saying that he is the most artistic of all the designers and could easily be doing haute couture in Paris. Chris gets verklempt. The other three judges jump his case for doing big construction again. But they agree that Chris is all about the show, even if they don’t like what he’s showing.

Christian – (Don Andrew De Andrade Y La Cal by Bartolome Esteban Murillo) Can I just say that I hate this? This is stuffy and shlumpy and a complete obfuscation. Lisa looks horrible in it too, and she’s not as much walking as stomping down the runway – perhaps given a direction to walk in a more masculine way? Christian had the makeup people give her really big eyebrows too - all she needed was a drawn-on mustache and goatee. And would it KILL him to use some other colors? He used blue in the second challenge (but that was a team challenge and possibly his partner’s input), and was forced to use denim once, but every other challenge he has used either black, cream/white, or brown.

Roberto feels the love Christian puts into his garments. Nina is impressed that he thinks about “the whole show,” and MK overuses the word super. Yet… they give him NO crap about doing the same types of things over and over. I just don’t get that.
Rami – (Marble Statue of Aphrodite by Kallimachos) I actually quite like this dress – the color is gorgeous, and I applaud that he went shorter instead of making a floor-length gown. I see where he’s going with the single loop, as a nod to the armlessness of the statue, although I don’t like the way Sam had to keep her arm straight while she was walking.

Rami gets all defensive with the judges when they say his dress is too normal and same-old same-old. (Yet another rag on a designer for doing the same thing over and over!) They all agree that it is beautiful and lots of women would wear it (I would!), but apparently that’s bad. I do see where both sides are coming from, though.

Sweet P – (Peacocks by Melchior D'Hondecouter) To borrow a word from Tim, this really isn’t too “wowable” to me. I don’t really see the peacock inspiration in this dress (I’m not counting the wispy feathers growing out of Lea’s head), other than her color palette.

While MK thinks her dress is cute and wearable, he also thinks there’s not enough “show” to it. She’s commercial, but not fashion. Roberto wishes she’d done more with the peacock theme.

Jillian – (Scenes from the Story of the Argonauts by Master of the Argonauts) This is cute, although I wish the skirt part was just a bit longer. I like the visually interesting little hole-punches in the back of the jacket that let the gold shine through when the light hits it. The dress looks like an afterthought, but the jacket is really nicely done. My only complaint is the fact that Jillian has this thing against letting Lauren’s hair down – if you look back through the few challenges where the models were actually used, Lauren’s hair is either pulled up or pulled back so tightly that it looks like it’s up. The girl’s got gorgeous hair! Let it down sometimes! (And if I never see that pair of shoes again I will be very happy.)

The judges like the fact that Jillian has sent a lot of different things down the runway. Roberto pretty much offers her a job right there, and you can tell that she’s really having to restrain herself from jumping up and down. Later, Heidi uses the word “ballsy” to describe Jillian’s designs, because while Jillian herself is quiet, she thinks up some really ambitious things. (It’s always the quiet ones you have to watch out for, don’t they know that?)

After much deliberation, Heidi brings the designers back out for the verdict. The winner, not too surprisingly, is Christian, based purely on the fact he had the largest number of pieces. So he’s definitely in for Bryant Park. He’s very quiet and humble on the runway, but as soon as he gets backstage, the diva comes back out and he’s all, “No surprises there, bitches, how could I not win? I made fifty pieces! Meowch!

Also going to the tents is Jillian. She bounces backstage and flounces her skirt around, revealing the fact that she’s got a garter pistol strapped to her leg (just in case they tried to auf her, maybe).

Sweet P is out, and you can tell by the look on her face that she’s not too surprised by this. That leaves Rami and Chris on the runway – one will go to Bryant Park, and the other one will go to wherever the other auffed designers are holed up until filming is over. Heidi tells Rami he’s been consistent but safe, and tells Chris that they know he can bring the drama but can he do something new?

Chris is… IN! So that means Rami is… also IN!?! You can hear the collective “WHAT?” from living rooms and bars all over America! The judges couldn’t decide who they liked better, so they both get to make collections for Fashion Week. But here’s the catch: while they both have to make an entire twelve-piece collection, only one of them will count. They have to do a mini-show for the judges, using their three best pieces, and from that the judges will decide who’s show will be part of the Final Three.

Backstage it’s group hugs all around until Tim comes pouting down the stairs to send SweetP to clean up her stuff. She’s understandably sad that she didn’t make it to Fashion Week.

Which, of course, is a big lie, because as we know by now, all five of them showed collections at Fashion Week. They had to, because the tent show was last Friday, and this episode didn’t air until Wednesday, so if they didn’t all show we would know immediately who was out before the episode aired. This was kind of an interesting twist the first two seasons, but everybody knows the trick now, Bravo, so I think next season you should just schedule your episodes better and only let the actual Final Three show. You’re not fooling anybody anymore. But for the two designers that aren’t official, getting to show at Bryant Park - even if they don’t have a chance to win all the “fabulous” prizes - is more than enough, in exposure alone.

Next week: the always awkward and entertaining reunion show! And Heidi will name the winner of the $10,000 Fan Favorite vote (if this isn’t Chris, I’ll eat my keyboard).

*Art photos taken from the Metropolitan Museum of Art website.