It's Always the Quiet One

Rambling about life, culture, Project Runway, and the occasional fruity drink.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Kayne and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

This isn't my recap... just an homage to Mr. Gillaspie.

I went to sleep with gum in my mouth and now there's gum in my hair and when I got out of bed this morning I tripped on Jeffrey’s toolbox and by mistake I dropped my T-shirt in the sink while the water was running and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

At breakfast Vincent found a Valium in his cereal box and Jeffrey found a Junior Tattoo Kit in his cereal box but in my breakfast cereal box all I found was breakfast cereal. I think I'll move to Australia.

In the van Tim let Angela have a seat by the window. Laura and Michael got seats by the window too. I said I was being scrunched. I said I was being smushed. I said, if I don't get a seat by the window I am going to be vansick. No one even answered. I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

I could tell because Robert called and said I wasn't his best friend anymore. He said that Michael Knight was his best friend and that Uli Herzner was his next best friend and that I was only his third best friend. I hope you sit on a pincushion, I said to Robert. I hope the next time you get a triple-venti decaf cafe mocha with extra whipped cream the whipped cream falls off and lands in Australia.

There were two fleurchon-covered cupcakes in Angela’s lunch and Laura got a La Maison chocolate truffle and the craft services guy gave Vincent a piece of jelly roll that had little coconut sprinkles on the top. Guess who didn’t get dessert? It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

That's what it was, because then Tim took us all to Mood and I found this faaaabulous black sparkly fabric but there was only one yard left. Come back next week and we’ll have more, said the Mood guy. Next week, I said, I'm going to Australia.

On the way downstairs the elevator door closed on my foot and while we were waiting for Tim to go get the van Jeffrey made me fall in the gutter and then when I started crying because of the nasty gutter water Vincent said I was a crybaby and while I was punching Vincent for saying crybaby Tim came back with the van and scolded me for being wet and fighting. I am having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, I told everybody. No one even answered.

So then we went to the notions store to buy some trims. Uli chose a white one with blue stripes. Michael chose a red one with white stripes. I chose a blue one with red stripes but then the notions man said, We're all sold out. They made me buy a plain old white one, but they can't make me use it.

When we picked up the producer at his office he said I couldn't play with his editing machine, but I forgot. He also said to watch out for the videotapes on his desk, and I was careful as could be except for my elbow. He also said don't fool around with his phone, but I think I called Australia. The producer said please don't pick him up anymore. It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

On the runway Nina Garcia liked Jeffrey’s hooker outfit better than my mini-dress. Heidi said I didn’t use enough white. Michael Kors said I crossed the boundaries of taste. Who needs taste? Then I got auffed. It was the MOST terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

There were fava beans for dinner and I hate favas. There was kissing on TV and I hate kissing (sort of). My bath was too hot, I got soap in my eyes, my rhinestones went down the drain, and I had to wear my camouflage pajamas. I hate my camouflage pajamas. When I went to pick up my stuff at the Atlas Jeffrey took back the pillow he said I could keep and I lost my favorite hair gel and I bit my tongue. It has been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Tim Gunn says some days are like that.

Even in Australia.


Blogger TropicalChrome said...

Thanks for the laugh - I remember that book fondly, and I think it applies in this situation big time!

1:01 AM  
Blogger TheQuietOne said...

Thanks :)
I've had this on my computer for a while, just as a draft, hoping I wouldn't have to use it. I think I got the idea that Kayne looks like Alexander from the PRGayBoys but now I can't find where I saw it!!

1:05 AM  
Blogger Moi ;) said...

How cute! But how sad. PR is now no fun at all. :(

2:47 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

This is the best thing I've read all day (and I'm counting all of yesterday since it is only 3:45AM today)! Thanks for the giggle. If we're lucky we'll have Project Kayne next season :).

4:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi...I read your last recap from a BPR link, and I thought I would check in again to see if you had recapped. The ode to Kayne is even better! This is soooooo hilarious. I lol'ed countless times. Wait until the people at BPR see this!

I miss my Kaynebow already. :) Long live Micheal Knight!

4:43 PM  
Blogger pajamiam said...

Oh. My. God. Can't breathe...hold on a sec.

Holy cow, that was the funniest thing I've read in about forever! My sides ache from laughing. I'm a preschool teacher, and Alexander and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day is maybe my favorite kid book of all time, and Project Runway is maybe my favorite tv show of all time, and Kayne is maybe my favorite designer of all time, and I just totally get it on every level!
I know you posted this last week, but I just found it today. Thanks for the great belly laugh--I needed it!

4:48 PM  
Blogger TheQuietOne said...

Thanks everyone! I'm glad you enjoyed it! :)

7:43 PM  

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