The Cyber-Adventures of Indy and Han

(or... Why I Never Posted My Recaps)

When I first got the idea to send Indiana Jones to look for my missing Top Design recaps, and suggested he take Han Solo along, I thought it would be a piece of cake for them to find my drafts out there in the cable-HD-satellite-internet-TV universe and speed back with them. Wow, was I wrong. "Never send two fictional men to do anything" is my new motto. After a month of waiting, and waiting, and waiting some more, I resigned myself to the fact that I was going to have to go find them, too. I should have known better - they're two good-looking, macho male characters, and cyberspace is full of female characters and cool gadgets, so it was inevitable that they get distracted from their mission.

I finally tracked them down on the Enterprise D in Star Trek, of all places. Indy was off playing 1940's private eye with Jean-Luc Picard on the Holodeck, and Han was - where else?- down in Engineering tinkering with stuff. With great difficulty I managed to remind them of the task at hand and get them back on track.

We spent most of the summer criss-crossing the worlds of fiction and entertainment, following up on leads but finding nothing. We also spent a large amount of time arguing over my clothing. I tried to convince Han that slave-girl outfits, while helpful when trying to get information out of people, were not practical for everyday wear, and to convince Indy that there had to be a middle ground between the Bette Grable pin-up bathing suits he wanted me to wear, and the Donna Reed spinster clothing from It's A Wonderful Life that most 1930's women seemed to favor.

About the end of September it finally hit me - why were we wasting all this time traipsing from genre to genre when we could just use Google? After all, you can find anything on Google. Big mistake. The first thing those men did was Google themselves, and then I lost them. Han discovered Star Wars: Galaxies online role playing game and found that there, he was stuck in a cantina full of Twi'lek dancing girls on a remote smuggler's outpost planet, and that Princess Leia was stuck on a completely different planet, and never left it. So naturally he decided to stay. And Indy discovered that he had a long-lost son (who looks remarkably like Shia LeBouf), immediately started calling him "Junior" (take that, Sean Connery!), and they ran off to do some father-son bonding over movie-making with Steven Spielberg.

Now all I'm left with is a bizzare story, and no recaps. So if you are the person who was waiting all summer to find out who won Top Design*, you can just go ahead and Google it, because that is just really pathetic.

But take heart! Project Runway 4 starts in ONE WEEK! Bravo has bios and previews posted! They've also done a fashion show featuring the new designers, which I'm planning to write about next. And of course I will be recapping each episode again. But... this time I'm not taking any chances. I've hired Harrison Ford as ex-CIA agent Jack Ryan to guard my recaps. We'll see how that goes.

*Ok... it was Matt.