Gone to the Dogs

After the trauma of having to see poor Malan being auf'd again, this week's episode of PR gets off to a slow start, watching everyone wake up. Alison does some stretches in front of the awesome view from the picture window,and we notice that Kayne really needs a tan. He briefly discusses his immunity - and while he admits that he could send out something gloriously crappy, he assures us he won't do that, because this is just another opportunity for him to send out something faaa-bulous (I love how his eyes get saucer-like when he says that word).

While watching the designers exit the Atlas at high speed, I get nostalgic for dear Andrae and his dramatic exits. Nobody in this group seems to have the same joi de vivre about revolving doors that Andrae did. At Parsons, Heidi greets the designers with a "yoo hoo!" that sounds like the yodelling German kids in the "It's A Small World" ride at Disney. She is also wearing a very unHeidilike high-necked brown plaid top, complete with flaccid neck bow. She's very late 80's corporate - all she needs is a calf-length brown skirt, big hair and some white Reeboks and she'll be set for her starring role in "Working Girl 2". She tells the designers that they will find out the details about their next challenge - design an outfit inspired by one of "fashion's hottest
accessories" - tomorrow morning from Tim.

Next comes model selection. This time, as in last season, only the winning and losing designers' models come out. Of course, Kayne sticks with Katia and Malan's model, Moon, is out. (I don't think this is fair to poor Moon - I mean, she wasn't even IN the runway show last week. Shouldn't the model who actually did the walking be out?) Heidi tells them to get some rest, because they have an early day tomorrow. Wait. Didn't they all just wake up?? And she's sending them back to bed? Heidi's no fun. So, like kids at camp who are told "lights out", the designers go to sleep. Not! They stay up drinking beer, wearing bizarre things on their heads and discussing tomorrow's challenge until Heidi's voice comes over the apartment intercom and says, "Don't make me come over there!!" in her best German-governess voice. And they all scurry to bed, but tell bad fashion jokes in the dark and snort uncontrollably.

In the morning, we are treated to the sight of Laura wearing a tank top that thankfully shows none of her ribs, and what might actually be - sweatpants? Didn't she say she doesn't DO sweatpants? She picks up a note from Tim that has been slipped under the door. In it, they are told to meet Tim in Central Park. Laura surmises that the object of the challenge is "horses" (of course she can't be serious, she's just showing off that she is from NY and she must know that the horse carriages take off from the area they're being sent to). The group takes a walk to Central Park to find out the challenge. They're all dressed for late spring, but according to Michael it's freezing. So they're standing around in a herd getting hypothermia when what should come over the hill?

It's Tim Gunn, walking a pack of tiny dogs! Everyone starts cooing and waving (except Laura, who looks like Tim just showed up with full pooper-scooper bags). The challenge is to create a garment inspired by your dog, make a coordinating outfit for the dog, and come up with a backstory to tie it all together. Everyone gets to pick the dog they want, and surprisingly they are all drawn to a dog that is like themselves (either physically or personality-wise). Laura doesn't like dogs (Who has room for a dog? She has five kids! She tells us that a LOT), so she plops her very cute fluffy white pooch in her Hermes bag (let's hope the dog doesn't do any plopping of its own in there).

Several designers tell what they're planning for the dogs and they get 30 minutes to sketch. Vincent immediately tries to put a bracelet on his dog's head for a hat. (I think he was a very bad milliner in a past life, and as punishment, he must make hats in each life until he makes a good one. He's got another life or two to go at least.) Laura is very annoyed with her dog because it won't stay off her sketch pad, Robert can't get his hyper black ball of fluff to stand still so he can take a picture of it, and I keep wondering, "what if one of the dogs pees on the worktable?" But most of the dogs seem very well-behaved. Keith has chosen an unsual breed, a Chinese crested, and he is a bit creepy (see what I mean? Perfect dog for Keith).

Time to go shopping. Uli scares me by buying a giraffe pelt. Robert picks out a pink plaid that looks like the sort of thing Reese Witherspoon would have worn in "Legally Blonde". After looking at Kayne's and Robert's fabric, Laura comments that her selections look "tasteful" next to theirs. Kayne and Robert give each other a look that says "Oh no she didn't!" a la Nick Verreos and do a lot of eyerolling.

Back at Parsons work gets started (sans dogs). Bradley, after a bit of draping and mocking-up with muslin, decides that his original idea is crappy and starts completely over. We find out that tomorrow is his birthday, and Jeffrey wishes him all the best by saying, "What if Bradley goes home on his birthday?" (Note to self: invite Jeffrey to all my parties.) Angela is scaring me - she's sewing all these yoyos and I can't figure out what she's going to do with them. They're very Guadelupe. Keith comments that her outfit is looking like a big bag of Skittles. (Is Skittles a sponsor this season?) And she is wearing what might be the absolute ugliest cap I've ever seen.

In the sewing room, Keith is acting oddly, prancing from machine to machine asking Jeffrey which ones are broken. The entire time he has a very odd smile, as if he's done something very mean that he thinks is very funny (like put poisonous snakes in someone's sewing box). Keith finally settles himself down at a machine that turns out to be the one Michael had been using. Michael runs off and tattles to Laura, who is peeved to find out that Keith is using "their" thread. Laura will have none of that - she has "to defend her man" and chases Keith off the machine. Laura: "He's becoming a major shithead." Keith: "She's Bad Mommy. I had a good mommy." If I were Keith's mommy, I'd be seriously considering grounding him to his room for the rest of his adult life.

It's Tim time! He's concerned about Katherine's dress because it's basic. She suggests adding a hoodie, and Tim loves that. He likes Uli's (wow, what a mix of prints!) and Alison's. Keith is telling Tim his client doesn't dress her dog, and Tim doesn't like that. He also doesn't like Angela's. She spent more time on the inside lining of her vest, that nobody will see, than the outside. (She should have turned the thing inside out! It would have been more attractive.) Tim doesn't get Bradley's shirt. It's supposed to be shaggy, like the dog, but Tim nixes that idea. Later on, Keith starts trying to boss Bradley around - make an A-line skirt, speed it up! Bradley tells us that he doesn't want to send anything down the runway that he's not proud of - he'd rather send nothing. Nothing would STILL win over Vincent, who has made - guess what? A hat! For his dog! Vincent cracks up over it! Somebody get that man a paper bag before he hyperventilates.

The next morning, Bradley still has no top for his outfit, and has done nothing for his dog. Apparently Angela has given him one of her yoyos for his birthday, as he is wearing it on his sweater while he's sewing. (Note to self: do NOT invite Angela to my parties.) The models come in, and Bradley's model is quietly freaking out that she may have to go down the runway naked. Bradley hadn't thought of the model. He sends her to hair and makeup by herself and sews like crazy, finishing at the last minute by using his second top and putting a lining in it, and making a little wing collar for his dog. The dogs come in and get dressed up. They all look soooo cute. I even like Vincent's dog hat. They still haven't shown his model's outfit, but I hope it's somewhere as cute as his dog outfit. I even think Laura is warming up to her dog. Keith waxes poetic about how awesome he is and how his model and dog are "stunning winners" and his designs are the most perfect and incredible things ever created in the history of mankind.

Vera Wang is back, and our guest judge is Ivanka Trump. The runway show starts. (The background music they're using will forever make me think of Nick during the Makeover challenge last season, walking the runway in Chloe's faaa-bulous suit). Speaking of faaa-bulous, first off is Kayne, who has designed a "rich bitch" outfit using colorful swirly fabric - a halter dress with a black leather-looking coat. Love it! After his comes Uli's. I admit I was a bit concerned about all her patterns, but they come together beautifully in what is becoming her signature halter dress. She's also made a jacket. Her dog's coat reads "Hi Ladies" on one side, so that the judges can only see it as it goes back up the runway. They all get a good giggle out of that. Robert's model is having a bit of trouble getting her "accessory" to walk next to her, but they both look cute. Alison gave her model poodle hair, to match her poodle. The outfit is good, mostly white, with yet another stunning jacket, but her model just cannot walk. She's way too stiff. Bradley's skirt is set WAY up high on his model's waist - shades of Ed Grimley. The top is poofy. It's like Daniel V's orchid top from last year, and the judges LOVED that one, so I think it's safe to say that Bradley is not going home on his birthday. Keith's dress is pretty but he has put no clothing on the dog, and Nina is NOT pleased at all. We get to see Bonnie's outfit for the first time (poor girl has gotten practically NO screentime so far) and it's a long white coat over a black dress. Her dog's cape has cute little black dog bones on it.

Next comes Katherine. She ran out of time for the hoodie but her dress is great! I love it love it LOVE it. I would totally wear it. (Of course that means she won't win.) Michael - yet another designer who is getting next to no screentime - has made a brown dress with a neat criss-crossing bodice. That brings us to Vincent. His dog's outfit is black with white polka dots and a little white newsboy cap (which the dog hates! He keeps trying to rub it off his head all the way down the runway) and it was cute. Unfortunately I can't say the same about his garment for the human. It's a giant black tank top with a flared bottom, over leggings. Did he actually make leggings?? And of course it is topped off with a hat. And sunglasses. It's TOTALLY 80's and totally BORING! Laura's design is "Park Avenue society mother off to luncheon". Jeffrey's dress is okay but in the same beige and tan colors he's used for every outfit so far. (Somebody needs to show him the color section at Mood.) His dog is also trying to scratch the outfit off.

And (I'm saving this for last even though she was before Jeffrey) last but not least we are subjected to the horror that is Angela's outfit. If this were a bag of Skittles I'd return it to the store and demand my money back. It's a bubble skirt the color of grape taffy, paired with a gunmetal gray vest that has a patchwork lining that nobody can see, and big clunky boots. Angela comments that it's totally different than everybody else's, and I won't disagree. It's also totally tacky. But let's see what the judges think.

They keep Alison, Bradley, Keith, Angela, Katherine and Uli on the runway and they get to tell the stories they came up with for their outfits. The judges like Uli, Alison and surprisingly, Bradley. (You can tell he's incredibly shocked, considering he was going to give up.) Nina even wants to shoot his outfit for Elle! Happy birthday! They also like Alison's model's poodle hair. Nina picks on Katherine's hem - personally I don't see anything wrong with it. Angela's story bombs! Her woman is supposed to be the art director at a kid's camp, but they think she looks more like a streetwalker. (I work at a childcare center, and if I wore something like that to work I'd be fired on the spot.) But Keith... he takes the cake. He gives the judges attitude, fights with them over why he has no real outfit on his dog, and tries to make it seem like he made the collar the dog is wearing (it's just a bracelet that he added a teeny-tiny sash to, but he "worked a long time on it") - give me a break!! If his head swells any more, it's going to pop like a blister. Next week the judges better have umbrellas handy.

The winner of this challenge is Uli, and deservedly so. I think Alison is a close second, and she's very disappointed that she didn't win. Keith makes more smug remarks and I really, really want to poke him with a red-hot fire iron. As far as who's out, I'm thinking it HAS to be Angela this week. Hers was far and away the ugliest garment. But it turns out to be sweet Katherine - apparently it's far worse to be basic than to be butt-ugly. (I smell the overpowering scent of Santino wafting across the runway.) I'll miss Katherine - she's cute and I've liked her outfits and I think she'll go far. (Go check out her website - I sense something interesting happening there in regards to PR.)

*Illustrations from Go Dog, Go! by P.D. Eastman

God Save the (Beauty) Queen

This week on PR, our intrepid band of designers find out that they must design something that most of them know nothing about - a pageant gown. Of course, Kayne’s ALL over this one, and I picked him to win as soon as the words were out of Heidi’s mouth. No need for anyone to even try, this is Kayne’s baby all the way. Only question is, who’s going to screw it up badly enough to get auf’d?

Tara Connor, the reigning Miss USA, needs an evening gown for the upcoming Miss Universe pageant. She gives the designers some likes and dislikes (likes low backs and earth tones, suggests keeping away from white and anything that shows her body too much, as she wants the focus “on her” meaning “quit looking at my breasts, my face is up HERE.”) The twist to this challenge is that they will have to work in teams for the first time. This makes most of the designers start to shrivel up. Seriously, you can see some of them shrinking, they hate this idea SO much.

After their 30-minute sketch time (during which Angela badgers Kayne constantly about them pairing up and sketches nothing – what’s with that?), each of the designers get to pitch their idea to Tara. Everything is normal until Keith goes in and proceeds to put his hands all over Tara’s chest (under the pretense of showing her where everything will be fitted - but you get the feeling he just wanted to put his hands all over her chest) and tells her that her legs are “glorious” and is practically licking his lips. I half-expected him to turn into one of those cartoon wolves where the eyes bug out and drool flies everywhere whenever a cute dame walks by. It also reminded me of Daniel Franco’s lingerie pitch to Heidi last season, but where Daniel was creepy but sweet in a romantic way, Keith comes off as creepy but lecherous in a predatory way. Tara is pretty freaked out, and is probably wondering where security is, just in case.

You can tell that Tara is thinking that some of these designers aren’t sewing with a full bobbin. She LOVES Kayne, however – was there ever a doubt? – and practically swoons when he tells her “You need to feel like a million bucks”. She’d probably pick his dress right there and skip the whole rest of the show if she could. But she must suffer through all the pitches, no matter how “WTF” they are. For example, Angela reveals that she doesn’t sketch and starts asking Tara questions. Hello? At least describe an idea. Tara makes some classic eyerolling "get this wacko away from me" faces. Clearly Angela will not be a team leader – and part of me thinks she is trying NOT to get picked.

The team leaders are: Laura, Malan, Jeffrey, Uli, Keith, Vincent (shocking) and Kayne (duh). Tim pulls out the Velvet Bag, and all the leaders have to pick from the remaining designers. I hate it when they do this. It makes me think of all the times during school when you had to wait to see if someone was going to pick you for their kickball team, and how bad you felt when you were last - as Bradley and Angela must have been feeling when they ended up last. Since there is no way in heck Keith is going to pick Angela, she gets paired with Vincent. You already knew he was going to get stuck with her, because they made a point of showing him talking about how important it is to get someone you can work well with.

They rush off to Mood, pick out some blah earth-toned fabrics (except for Kayne, who grabs an iridescent purply-bronzy colored one), and head back to Parsons to get started. Bonnie tells Uli, “I wanna see people start fighting” and right away she gets her wish. Angela and Vincent start bickering like an old married couple. Vincent won’t let her touch the dress form so she wanders away. Then when he turns to ask her to do something, she’s not there. Angela later comes back and tries to make some suggestions. Vincent tells her to get three feet away from him to which she snarks “I’ll move a foot and a half this way and you move a foot and a half that way.” How OLD are these two???? (And Angela looks like she’s wet the back of her pants, too.) Tim comes over and says he’s disappointed in the dress, which makes Angela smile in a horribly unpleasant way, not unlike someone who’s just seen their enemy’s cat get run over by a steamroller. In another scene, Vincent basically tells Angela that HE likes the dress and HE’S the team leader so neener neener neener and gets all smirky, which is not a face Vincent should ever do. This gets a LOT of screen time, so you know that one or both of them will be in the bottom of the runway scores.

Meanwhile, the other designers (yes! They are still there! On the Vincent and Angela Show! How dare they?) are doing stuff. They don’t show Laura’s dress at all, but she utters what is probably my favorite PR quote of all time – “This cannot be here – it’ll look like she’s pooping.” (I hope that makes it into the outtakes section of the season 3 DVD, because I really want to know what “this” was!) In between shots of sewing, we get to hear a really sad story from Malan, about when he was thirteen and his mother hated his sketches and told him to never do it again. Now, I admit, last week I said he might be a vampire, but that story made me want to tuck some garlic down my shirt and give him a big hug. Poor Malan! Too bad his dress looks like a giant pecan coconut cluster.

Off to the runway! Jeffrey (who is wearing a jacket that makes him look like the Tattooed Beatle) is looking worried when Heidi says the judges better be wowed by the dresses. In addition to Tara, there is another guest judge – Vera Wang, filling in for Michael Kors. Let’s start the show! Some random thoughts:

• Katy should NEVER wear brown. Try red!
• Most of the models can’t walk this season but Kayne’s WORKED that dress!
• Jeffrey’s dress is too wrinkled and looks too much like my grandma’s crazy quilt.
• Laura – glorious dress but - it’s white! Tara said no white! Bzzzzz.
• The top on Malan’s moves wrong – just like Nick’s flower dress from last season – and is TOO earth-toned. The browns on top are too similar. Plus he pokes his model in the breast when he’s talking about the dress.
• Vincent’s sleeves looked like hand straps on a subway car.
• Uli’s dress is beautiful – very Grecian, with a lovely twisting detail on the front and back. Strong contender for the win, in my opinion.
  

But in the end, the win goes to – wait for it – Kayne. Obviously. (Can you imagine the horror if the guy who designs pageant and dance outfits for a LIVING couldn’t win this? Ouch.) But who is out? Should it be Malan, for his bunchy heavy dress that makes his model look like a ship's wooden figurehead, or Angela, for being a complete sack of potatoes? I’m sure, absolutely positive, that Angela’s going to get Heidi’s kiss-off, and I’ll be glad to see her go by this time - but shock! Malan is OUT! In the course of one show I’ve gone from thinking Malan is a smarmy creep to wanting to give him some chicken soup and wrap him in an angora sweater to make him feel better. Poor guy. But, as he says at the end, the show must go on, so we bid a fond farewell to Malan Breton from Taiwan. But I doubt we’ll see the last of him.

"It's the d*** "make a dress out of... challenge"

Project Runway screeched back onto the airwaves with a familiar challenge - take unusual materials and make an outfit. In season 1 it was things you could buy at the grocery store. In season 2 it was plants and flowers. This time around, it's "whatever you can grab from your apartment in 15 minutes", and boy, did they do some deconstruction. They totally trashed the places - cutting the covers off of mattresses, bar stools, and pillows; ripping down curtains, wall hangings, and sconces; and basically grabbing any piece of decor they could find that wasn't bolted down (although they did have a box of tools if they really wanted to unbolt something). Bradley took the cover of Robert's pillow-from-home, and he was really bummed about it. Malan was disgusted by the animalistic nature of the entire thing (he prefers using higher-quality fabrics, he says snootily). Everybody else generally looked like they were having a ball. Judging by the materials they were able to scrounge, it looked to me like their apartments were a bit "Santino'd" to give them extra things to scavenge. I hope Atlas wasn't too attached to that stuff. (I don't think Bravo's going to get its deposit back, either.)

So they get all their loot stuffed into laundry bags, which they then drag over to Parsons to start working. Of course they're all eyeing each other's materials and nobody likes anybody else's. Katy and Bradley have grabbed down comforters, and there are feathers everywhere. Kayne's fashioning a bodice from a red rubber floor mat. Keith's just using navy bedsheets. Laura has found a fur rug and makes a gigantic collar for a coat, then adds chandelier pieces to the bottom. Vincent, dear goofy yet likable Vincent, has found himself a wicker basket and is using it for a hat - sort of a pillbox in style, like Jackie Kennedy might have worn if she was a bag lady. Angela has brought the leather cover of a chaise lounge and is making a skirt, and I think she has a bunch of artifical flowers also. Jeffrey - I don't know what he's doing - it looks like red electrical tape all over his top. Malan has a lovely warm-looking knitted afghan throw. Uli found some kind of dangly chartruse-bead thing. Michael is making his entire dress out of... coffee filters! Folded into wedges, they actually look more fabric-y than some of the actual fabric other people are using. Bonnie... well, she's got something red but I'm not sure what it is (turns out to be a duvet cover). Robert's making what looks like... a Barbie dress (well, that's what he does for a living, might as well stick with what works I guess). Stacey has grabbed a bunch of white stuff (curtains, mostly) and some gold rings. We also discover that she doesn't know how to use the industrial sewing machines and is going to HAND SEW the dress. Alison has some nondescript materials (probably curtains) that look like they might be a bit on the pinkish side. Yawn.

Tim comes in and looks concerned all over the workroom.

The funniest part of the entire episode, for me, is when the designers trudge back to the Atlas, ready for some shut-eye before the stressful day in front of them, and find that their apartments are STILL trashed. What did they think, the magical apartment fairies were going to come wave their sparkly whickety-whack wands and poof! everything flies back together like the nursery cleaning scene in "Mary Poppins"? PR is not going to let them off THAT easily! You trashed your beds, now lie in them.

Morning comes - trudge back to Parsons; fit the models; TreSemme L'Oreal-Paris Macy's; sewsewsew; Vincent about has a fit of rapture over his hat and puts his model in bug-eye sunglasses while everyone else thinks he's insane; Malan makes smarmy expressions; Keith rips everything off his dress that's not actual fabric (he had put that stuff on because Tim was concerned he wasn't innovating with the materials enough); Stacey's skirt is see-through so she rapidly makes a pair of boy-shorts for her model; each of the designers thinks they're going to win, which of course cannot happen. And I'm sure everyone - and I mean, everyone there and everyone watching on TV, and even people who don't own TV sets - thinks Vincent will be out. Except him. He's grooving on his design, and I say - groove on, Vincent; you can't win but I hope you're not out.

Runway time! Heidi repeats at least 18 times that you're either in or you're out and one of you will be the winner and one of you will be out. Yeah, we know, they know, everybody knows. The judges make some amusing faces during the show (Michael hates Vincent's hat!) and Jeffrey's model throws feathers in the air and has strangely Gumby-like arms with no hands. (Theatrics! No-no. Reminds me of that guy in season 1 who had his model flip off the camera before she went backstage.) Katy has made a dress from bright blue plastic bags with a large, puffy gunman's duster. Laura's big furry coat makes a lot of noise when the model walks (due to chandelier parts on the hem). Bradley's outfit makes me think of oatmeal - warm, mushy, and bland. I like Robert's dress - nice cherry-red sash and bows in the back with built-in jewelry.

I wasn't overly impressed with any of the outfits, mostly because they're not my style. The judges weren't overly impressed, either, and in the end picked Keith's bedsheet dress (ooo, he used red buttons on the back! How cute! How *gag*. It's a sheet. I could have made it) and of course he was all like "it's my first dress ever," which made me think of Chloe from last season ("It's my first time at menswear" - she won that challenge, so maybe there's something to this... hmm). He went into this long spiel about Scarlett O'Hara and Carole Burnett - to quote Jay McCarroll, "That's a big talk you just had there." Poor Stacey and her "granny panties"/"top fits like the pillow's still in there" dress are out. My personal choice for the winner would have been Michael and his cute coffee-filter dress, because I think he followed the challenge better than Keith, and used more innovation in his materials.

All in all, a highly entertaining show. I hope by next week they at least get their beds back. They're going to need all the sleep they're allowed to get. Although... I'm thinking the guys rooming with Malan might want to sleep with one eye open, 'cause he might possibly be a vampire.

On pins and needles

I'm a Project Runway addict.

I check Blogging Project Runway 3 or 4 times a day to see if anything new has been posted (season 3 is about to start!). I bought the Season 2 DVD. I stop said DVD any time they show a chalkboard so I can read what's scribbled on it. I watched the recent season 2 marathon on Bravo EVEN THOUGH I have the entire thing on DVD. I even had a dream that Daniel Vosovic and Santino helped me paint my kitchen, and it looked fabulous, and then Daniel made me waffles (also fabulous). So, yes, I'm a bit excited for the new season to start. It looks to be quite interesting. I've already picked out a few of the designers that I like (Katherine, Bradley, Angela), and a few that are probably going to irritate me - a LOT. But that's the stuff of a different entry.

And there's already some controversy brewing, thanks to Bravo's TV ads. Apparently, someone is asked to leave. Nobody is sure yet who it is, but Tim Gunn clearly says that something is "against the rules of the show". Lots of theories abound about who's done what. Here are a few of my ideas (some serious, some not so much):

• someone breaks the "no hanky-panky between contestants" rule, or sneaks someone into their Atlas apartment;
• someone is actually not a real designer and has passed another person's designs as their own;
• there is a major act of sabotage against one of the designers;
• at Mood (the fabric store the show uses), one of the designers purchases the exact same blue/white/purple ombre fabric that both Austin (season 1) and Santino (season 2) used for dresses;
• one of the designers smuggles in someone to help them sew and stashes them in the bedroom closet;
• one of the designers makes a dress using black silk charmeuse and Michael Kors gets violently ill;
• two (or more) of the designers have a knock-down, drag-out fight over a dress form;
• somebody takes their unfinished garment back to the Atlas to work on it;
• somebody brought a laptop or cell phone (I don't think they're allowed);
• one of the designers purposely breaks the overlock machine after they use it, so nobody else can, giving them "the edge";
• somebody steals something from somebody (actually, designer Bradley says in his video interview that someone took his iPod shortly after he got to NY) .

It was also pointed out on BPR that there is a model missing from the list on the Bravo PR site. So I'm anxious for next Wednesday night so I can find out what's going on! I'm sure it will be... none of the above.

Carry on.