Gone to the Dogs

After the trauma of having to see poor Malan being auf'd again, this week's episode of PR gets off to a slow start, watching everyone wake up. Alison does some stretches in front of the awesome view from the picture window,and we notice that Kayne really needs a tan. He briefly discusses his immunity - and while he admits that he could send out something gloriously crappy, he assures us he won't do that, because this is just another opportunity for him to send out something faaa-bulous (I love how his eyes get saucer-like when he says that word).

While watching the designers exit the Atlas at high speed, I get nostalgic for dear Andrae and his dramatic exits. Nobody in this group seems to have the same joi de vivre about revolving doors that Andrae did. At Parsons, Heidi greets the designers with a "yoo hoo!" that sounds like the yodelling German kids in the "It's A Small World" ride at Disney. She is also wearing a very unHeidilike high-necked brown plaid top, complete with flaccid neck bow. She's very late 80's corporate - all she needs is a calf-length brown skirt, big hair and some white Reeboks and she'll be set for her starring role in "Working Girl 2". She tells the designers that they will find out the details about their next challenge - design an outfit inspired by one of "fashion's hottest
accessories" - tomorrow morning from Tim.

Next comes model selection. This time, as in last season, only the winning and losing designers' models come out. Of course, Kayne sticks with Katia and Malan's model, Moon, is out. (I don't think this is fair to poor Moon - I mean, she wasn't even IN the runway show last week. Shouldn't the model who actually did the walking be out?) Heidi tells them to get some rest, because they have an early day tomorrow. Wait. Didn't they all just wake up?? And she's sending them back to bed? Heidi's no fun. So, like kids at camp who are told "lights out", the designers go to sleep. Not! They stay up drinking beer, wearing bizarre things on their heads and discussing tomorrow's challenge until Heidi's voice comes over the apartment intercom and says, "Don't make me come over there!!" in her best German-governess voice. And they all scurry to bed, but tell bad fashion jokes in the dark and snort uncontrollably.

In the morning, we are treated to the sight of Laura wearing a tank top that thankfully shows none of her ribs, and what might actually be - sweatpants? Didn't she say she doesn't DO sweatpants? She picks up a note from Tim that has been slipped under the door. In it, they are told to meet Tim in Central Park. Laura surmises that the object of the challenge is "horses" (of course she can't be serious, she's just showing off that she is from NY and she must know that the horse carriages take off from the area they're being sent to). The group takes a walk to Central Park to find out the challenge. They're all dressed for late spring, but according to Michael it's freezing. So they're standing around in a herd getting hypothermia when what should come over the hill?

It's Tim Gunn, walking a pack of tiny dogs! Everyone starts cooing and waving (except Laura, who looks like Tim just showed up with full pooper-scooper bags). The challenge is to create a garment inspired by your dog, make a coordinating outfit for the dog, and come up with a backstory to tie it all together. Everyone gets to pick the dog they want, and surprisingly they are all drawn to a dog that is like themselves (either physically or personality-wise). Laura doesn't like dogs (Who has room for a dog? She has five kids! She tells us that a LOT), so she plops her very cute fluffy white pooch in her Hermes bag (let's hope the dog doesn't do any plopping of its own in there).

Several designers tell what they're planning for the dogs and they get 30 minutes to sketch. Vincent immediately tries to put a bracelet on his dog's head for a hat. (I think he was a very bad milliner in a past life, and as punishment, he must make hats in each life until he makes a good one. He's got another life or two to go at least.) Laura is very annoyed with her dog because it won't stay off her sketch pad, Robert can't get his hyper black ball of fluff to stand still so he can take a picture of it, and I keep wondering, "what if one of the dogs pees on the worktable?" But most of the dogs seem very well-behaved. Keith has chosen an unsual breed, a Chinese crested, and he is a bit creepy (see what I mean? Perfect dog for Keith).

Time to go shopping. Uli scares me by buying a giraffe pelt. Robert picks out a pink plaid that looks like the sort of thing Reese Witherspoon would have worn in "Legally Blonde". After looking at Kayne's and Robert's fabric, Laura comments that her selections look "tasteful" next to theirs. Kayne and Robert give each other a look that says "Oh no she didn't!" a la Nick Verreos and do a lot of eyerolling.

Back at Parsons work gets started (sans dogs). Bradley, after a bit of draping and mocking-up with muslin, decides that his original idea is crappy and starts completely over. We find out that tomorrow is his birthday, and Jeffrey wishes him all the best by saying, "What if Bradley goes home on his birthday?" (Note to self: invite Jeffrey to all my parties.) Angela is scaring me - she's sewing all these yoyos and I can't figure out what she's going to do with them. They're very Guadelupe. Keith comments that her outfit is looking like a big bag of Skittles. (Is Skittles a sponsor this season?) And she is wearing what might be the absolute ugliest cap I've ever seen.

In the sewing room, Keith is acting oddly, prancing from machine to machine asking Jeffrey which ones are broken. The entire time he has a very odd smile, as if he's done something very mean that he thinks is very funny (like put poisonous snakes in someone's sewing box). Keith finally settles himself down at a machine that turns out to be the one Michael had been using. Michael runs off and tattles to Laura, who is peeved to find out that Keith is using "their" thread. Laura will have none of that - she has "to defend her man" and chases Keith off the machine. Laura: "He's becoming a major shithead." Keith: "She's Bad Mommy. I had a good mommy." If I were Keith's mommy, I'd be seriously considering grounding him to his room for the rest of his adult life.

It's Tim time! He's concerned about Katherine's dress because it's basic. She suggests adding a hoodie, and Tim loves that. He likes Uli's (wow, what a mix of prints!) and Alison's. Keith is telling Tim his client doesn't dress her dog, and Tim doesn't like that. He also doesn't like Angela's. She spent more time on the inside lining of her vest, that nobody will see, than the outside. (She should have turned the thing inside out! It would have been more attractive.) Tim doesn't get Bradley's shirt. It's supposed to be shaggy, like the dog, but Tim nixes that idea. Later on, Keith starts trying to boss Bradley around - make an A-line skirt, speed it up! Bradley tells us that he doesn't want to send anything down the runway that he's not proud of - he'd rather send nothing. Nothing would STILL win over Vincent, who has made - guess what? A hat! For his dog! Vincent cracks up over it! Somebody get that man a paper bag before he hyperventilates.

The next morning, Bradley still has no top for his outfit, and has done nothing for his dog. Apparently Angela has given him one of her yoyos for his birthday, as he is wearing it on his sweater while he's sewing. (Note to self: do NOT invite Angela to my parties.) The models come in, and Bradley's model is quietly freaking out that she may have to go down the runway naked. Bradley hadn't thought of the model. He sends her to hair and makeup by herself and sews like crazy, finishing at the last minute by using his second top and putting a lining in it, and making a little wing collar for his dog. The dogs come in and get dressed up. They all look soooo cute. I even like Vincent's dog hat. They still haven't shown his model's outfit, but I hope it's somewhere as cute as his dog outfit. I even think Laura is warming up to her dog. Keith waxes poetic about how awesome he is and how his model and dog are "stunning winners" and his designs are the most perfect and incredible things ever created in the history of mankind.

Vera Wang is back, and our guest judge is Ivanka Trump. The runway show starts. (The background music they're using will forever make me think of Nick during the Makeover challenge last season, walking the runway in Chloe's faaa-bulous suit). Speaking of faaa-bulous, first off is Kayne, who has designed a "rich bitch" outfit using colorful swirly fabric - a halter dress with a black leather-looking coat. Love it! After his comes Uli's. I admit I was a bit concerned about all her patterns, but they come together beautifully in what is becoming her signature halter dress. She's also made a jacket. Her dog's coat reads "Hi Ladies" on one side, so that the judges can only see it as it goes back up the runway. They all get a good giggle out of that. Robert's model is having a bit of trouble getting her "accessory" to walk next to her, but they both look cute. Alison gave her model poodle hair, to match her poodle. The outfit is good, mostly white, with yet another stunning jacket, but her model just cannot walk. She's way too stiff. Bradley's skirt is set WAY up high on his model's waist - shades of Ed Grimley. The top is poofy. It's like Daniel V's orchid top from last year, and the judges LOVED that one, so I think it's safe to say that Bradley is not going home on his birthday. Keith's dress is pretty but he has put no clothing on the dog, and Nina is NOT pleased at all. We get to see Bonnie's outfit for the first time (poor girl has gotten practically NO screentime so far) and it's a long white coat over a black dress. Her dog's cape has cute little black dog bones on it.

Next comes Katherine. She ran out of time for the hoodie but her dress is great! I love it love it LOVE it. I would totally wear it. (Of course that means she won't win.) Michael - yet another designer who is getting next to no screentime - has made a brown dress with a neat criss-crossing bodice. That brings us to Vincent. His dog's outfit is black with white polka dots and a little white newsboy cap (which the dog hates! He keeps trying to rub it off his head all the way down the runway) and it was cute. Unfortunately I can't say the same about his garment for the human. It's a giant black tank top with a flared bottom, over leggings. Did he actually make leggings?? And of course it is topped off with a hat. And sunglasses. It's TOTALLY 80's and totally BORING! Laura's design is "Park Avenue society mother off to luncheon". Jeffrey's dress is okay but in the same beige and tan colors he's used for every outfit so far. (Somebody needs to show him the color section at Mood.) His dog is also trying to scratch the outfit off.

And (I'm saving this for last even though she was before Jeffrey) last but not least we are subjected to the horror that is Angela's outfit. If this were a bag of Skittles I'd return it to the store and demand my money back. It's a bubble skirt the color of grape taffy, paired with a gunmetal gray vest that has a patchwork lining that nobody can see, and big clunky boots. Angela comments that it's totally different than everybody else's, and I won't disagree. It's also totally tacky. But let's see what the judges think.

They keep Alison, Bradley, Keith, Angela, Katherine and Uli on the runway and they get to tell the stories they came up with for their outfits. The judges like Uli, Alison and surprisingly, Bradley. (You can tell he's incredibly shocked, considering he was going to give up.) Nina even wants to shoot his outfit for Elle! Happy birthday! They also like Alison's model's poodle hair. Nina picks on Katherine's hem - personally I don't see anything wrong with it. Angela's story bombs! Her woman is supposed to be the art director at a kid's camp, but they think she looks more like a streetwalker. (I work at a childcare center, and if I wore something like that to work I'd be fired on the spot.) But Keith... he takes the cake. He gives the judges attitude, fights with them over why he has no real outfit on his dog, and tries to make it seem like he made the collar the dog is wearing (it's just a bracelet that he added a teeny-tiny sash to, but he "worked a long time on it") - give me a break!! If his head swells any more, it's going to pop like a blister. Next week the judges better have umbrellas handy.

The winner of this challenge is Uli, and deservedly so. I think Alison is a close second, and she's very disappointed that she didn't win. Keith makes more smug remarks and I really, really want to poke him with a red-hot fire iron. As far as who's out, I'm thinking it HAS to be Angela this week. Hers was far and away the ugliest garment. But it turns out to be sweet Katherine - apparently it's far worse to be basic than to be butt-ugly. (I smell the overpowering scent of Santino wafting across the runway.) I'll miss Katherine - she's cute and I've liked her outfits and I think she'll go far. (Go check out her website - I sense something interesting happening there in regards to PR.)

*Illustrations from Go Dog, Go! by P.D. Eastman